Faltering

Ho ho ho… Well this certainly has been a week of not sticking to what I said I’d do when it comes to my CRON diet. I’ve not been trying hard enough and slipped back into eating higher calories. Lots of meals out with friends and colleagues, which are really lovely and enjoyable but soo bad for my physical well being. Way too many delicious sweet things aging me prematurely. I’ve been drinking just water and tea and eating only veggies at home though! Like that makes up for it…

I keep thinking to myself that I should know how to do good CRON by now. I mean, I have been trying this for months and I’ve got all the advice I need at my fingertips with other CRON blogs and the CR society archives. But I’ve gained 10lbs since March when I was calorie restricting without particularly doing ON.

When I’m disciplined I’m really, really good and CRON is easy and fun but when I let it all go I get depressed and let it all go even further and eat whatever I want. I think I see CRON as a game. When I’m sticking to the rules (low calories, 100% RDAs), it’s awesome but if I break the rules, even once, I’m no longer playing the game and I quit… until I start playing the game again. I hate the fact that I’m still so black and white in my thinking.

I weigh and measure breakfast and lunch religiously but it all goes wrong at dinner.

And I hate the fact that I’m still addicted to sugar and refined carbs!

But… I love that doing CRON, even for this short time, has made me try so many new foods. I used to be quite a fussy eater but now there’s almost nothing I wouldn’t eat. Except mayonnaise. And marshmallows (eww). But no big nutritional losses there! I used to hate curry, olives, cucumber, courgettes, squash and whey protein powder but I’ve since learned to love them all. I’ve learned so much about the calorie content and nutritional makeup of food and gotten better at estimating calories, though I’m still by no means an expert. I read labels. I remember calories per 100g. In fact, I’ve become more knowledgeable about the whole messy and exploitative process of food production and very rarely shop in the big retail supermarkets anymore. I now get nearly all my veg from the local farmer’s market, cutting out the middleman altogether.

My cooking skills have improved and I no longer keep things like cereal, bread and pasta in the house. I used to eat bowls and bowls of pasta last year (slathered in cheese) but now it’s a once-in-a-while treat. I haven’t eaten a microwave meal in many months. I eat very low-fat yogurt with pumpkin and sunflower seeds and I love it.

I understand what triggers food my food cravings and phantom hunger signals: not drinking enough fluids and boredom. I have very little to do in my current job and spend more time than I should thinking about food (I’m blogging at work right now!). The good news is I’m leaving in three weeks for a much more stressful (but better paying) job where my mind should be busy for the vast majority of the day. When I’m busy I sometimes forget to eat but I think if I continue to bring my lunch every day I should be fine.

I continue to notice that brushing my teeth and removing my contact lenses when I get home in the evening creates a Pavlovian sense of ending the day. It prevents me from eating anything more and I start to feel ready to sleep no matter how early it is.

On Monday I cycled to work and home again for the first time, a round trip of 8 miles. It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for ages. Cycling through central London is exhilarating and dangerous. I’m not a confident cyclist at the best of times so the journey there and back requires half an hour of pure concentration. I’m making sure to follow the highway code and stop at every red light. I can’t believe the blasé attitude of some of my fellow cyclists. Don’t they realise they could be crushed to death at any moment? And if I didn’t hate the bendy buses before I sure do now: they are agents of death! I didn’t cycle in today or yesterday because of the rain but I’m going to purchase a charming yellow raincoat this evening so there’ll be no excuses tomorrow.

I have a competition coming up in three week’s time and need to drop my weight by about 8lbs to do well. So definite motivation there. This really needs to be the last day of eating at-lib! I also want to start running regularly to improve my cardiovascular fitness.