Tuesday 28 August 2007

Weight up again

Well I've had a completely ad-lib long weekend of eating at my parent's house. I don't know what it is about going there that makes me eat so much. I suspect it's linked to emotional eating and how going back home makes me mentally slip back into childhood where I could eat anything and everything it wouldn't matter. My mother is also a complete binge-enabler: "you're allowed just a little treat once in a while". Nooo mother! I had to beg her not to have her usual hoard of chocolates in the house before I came down so instead she had a heap of dried fruit, nuts, fresh fruit, cheeses... need I go on?

I brought my little scales with me (which I have yet to blog about, but needless to say they're awesome) but I did I use them? No! I think I was too embarrassed because we had a cousin from far away staying with us. I'm so paranoid that people will think I have an eating disorder if they see me weigh my food. Well, I'm actually worried I do have an eating disorder anyway. I gained 8 lbs in four days! That's not healthy. I feel really bloated and fat around my face. It's the most I've weighed all year and to be honest it's left me quite depressed. I had to drag myself out of bed this morning and had no appetite all day. I have a martial arts competition in two week's time and I know I won't make the weight category, my body just won't give up the weight that quickly. I guess I have to face up to the fact that right now I'm not doing CRON - I'm basically just binging and fasting. I can't give up though, I want to be fit and slim and live a long and healthy life so I'll continue to update this journal and do my best at calorie restriction with optimal nutrition.

I want to not crave carbs so much. I want to re-learn how to respond to my body's hunger signals instead of just feeding it at regular intervals. I want to reduce my portion sizes and not crave more when I'm finished. I want to learn how to make more delicious, healthy food. I want to be able to deal with hunger better - it's really not the end of the world if I'm hungry for half an hour. I want to be able to turn down unhealthy food without feeling deprived.

I have to list some positive things because otherwise I'll just sit here and cry and think about how I've ruined my body and fitness in the past month.

* Still cycling to and from work every day. I raised my seat a few inches and it made all the difference to my speed.
* Started jogging/running/stumbling in the early morning - at an embarrassingly slow pace.
* Bought iron supplements for days when I'm low.
* Bought a bag of brazil nuts for days when I'm low on selenium. Hopefully I won't eat these by the handful!

Well, as I said before, I can't give up. I am truly dedicated to CRON and I hope that will make all the difference.

Friday 24 August 2007

“tottering between the worlds of crap and health”

A nice quote from the CR society mailing list archives. It's how I feel about my CR at the moment. I know enough about nutrition to make good choices but I don't know enough about myself yet to make those choices consistently.

Therefore, some lists:

Things I’ve learned about myself from doing CR
• Prior to CRON I was eating fairly nutritious food but way too many calories. When I wanted to lose weight I would eat less but my nutrition would suffer.
• I gain weight and store fat very easily. This sucks right now but will be good for my CRON in the long term. :-)
• I need very few calories to maintain my current weight (between 1300-1400kcal per day).
• I lose weight best and have the best fitness when I am in the midst of a running and light weight lifting regime.
• My muscle mass goes away within a matter of weeks when I stop weight lifting.
• I feel best when I’m doing 'hardcore' CRON (weighing and measuring everything) and exercising a lot.
• Exercise is my best appetite suppressant.
• Unless I make a conscious effort, I don’t drink enough fluids during the day.
• I am addicted to carbs such as bread and pasta, cakes, sweets and chocolate. I also find strong/flavourful cheese very addictive. These foods are major binge triggers for me.
• I can overeat legumes and grains very easily.
• I can eat a lot of food, be full, and still want to eat more.
• When I’m out I sometimes buy single servings of trigger foods (such as a small cake) which on its own would be acceptable CR but almost always triggers an extremely strong desire for more.
• I love trying new foods and eating out at restaurants, particularly fine dining or unusual places. However, most restaurant meals are a huge binge trigger for me.
• I find food waste abhorrent and get angry when I see others wasting food.
• I therefore find it very difficult not to clean my plate.
• I find it very difficult to turn down free/freely available food.
• My appetite is stimulated by the sight, smell and even description of food.
• My hunger peaks between 10 and 12 am regardless of whether I’ve had breakfast or not. Similarly I also get very hungry between 4pm and 6pm.
• Sometimes I am hungry in the morning, sometimes I’m not.
• I have become way more interested in food and nutrition since I started CRON.

Changes I’ve made
• I no longer keep pasta or bread in the house. I don’t buy large packets of any kind of trigger food.
• I keep any carby trigger foods I still have from the bad old days (rice & beans) out of sight.
• I rarely eat meat at home but I sometimes have salmon sashimi on a Saturday.
• I eat bigger quantities and a wider range of vegetables.
• I no longer eat cereal at home.
• I no longer drink milk at home.
• I buy my vegetables either frozen for convenience or fresh from the farmer’s market every Saturday.
• I accurately measure my breakfast and lunch every week day.

Things I still need to do
• Eat more calories during the day and fewer in the evening.
• Fill up on vegetables before I go out.
• Weigh food where I can (e.g. at parent’s house, secretly at boyfriend's house) until I learn what 100g of a food looks like so I can estimate properly.
• Cut back on eating out or eat fewer calories in the week to make up for a weekend meal.
• When eating out choose the most nutritious option on the menu or attempt to fill nutrient deficiencies.
• Forgive myself when I eat calorie dense foods.
• Identify the calorie dense food as a treat, enjoy it and stop there.
• Distract myself/chew gum to prevent eating more.
• Brush my teeth straight after dinner or as soon as I get home if previously eaten.
• Avoid going to places where my motivation will be tested.
• Just because it’s free doesn’t mean I have to eat it.

I went to Borough Market and...

... ate one 'medium' oyster and NO cheese or cakes! It was zincerrific.

Did get tabasco sauce on my work shirt tho... damn it :(

Monday 20 August 2007

New favourite dinner = minted peas

I recently discovered that, after edamame, minted peas are the most delicious side dish in existence. So simple to make too! Simply pour as many peas as you want in your steamer and sprinkle liberally with dried mint (I guess fresh would work too). In 2 or 3 minutes they'll be ready. I ate mine with some steamed broccoli.

My third favourite side dish is also really simple: sliced fresh organic tomatoes sprinkled with crushed sea salt & lots of pepper, fresh basil leaves and extra virgin olive oil.

No love for the big salad

Well, at least not from my work colleagues. I, however, love my big salad. As a matter of fact it’s not that big: 120g romaine, 150g tomato, 200g cucumber, 15g red onion, 50g cubes of low-fat feta and 100g low-cal hummus (thanks for the recipes Arturo!).

Why are some people compelled to pass judgement on a defenceless salad when not a comment is made about the gentleman eating a plate of chips (fries) with mayonnaise? Indeed, it would probably be downright rude to comment on the greasy gak but it seems salad is fair game. Fear not poor salad, I will defend you and continue to eat you every day around 12. x x x

Thursday 16 August 2007

Nutritionally useless foods update

- Small bag of bulgur wheat: threw this out.
- Small bag of dried black eyed beans (cow peas): cooked these with tomato, adobo chili and tabasco sauce to bring to a housewarming party.
- Half a bag of quinoa: Used it all up for dinners and lunches.
- Small bag of green lentils: cooked these with indian spices and low-fat yogurt and ate for several lunches.
- Bag of brown rice: all gone.
- Small bag of azuki beans: Not used yet, maybe this weekend.

Wednesday 15 August 2007

Hummus (too much tahini)

Am I right in thinking that chickpeas are an ok food for CRON, high in both iron and zinc? Hummus definitely helps me fill up on raw veggies. My local supermarket sells a hummus that’s 135 kcal/100g. Not as low as the big supermarket’s low-fat hummus 133kcal/100g but that’s usually mixed with low-fat cream cheese or something to thin it out and doesn’t taste as good. I also don’t want to buy from the chain supermarkets if I don’t have to. Both contain several E numbers which I haven’t learned off by heart yet, so I'm wary.

Therefore I’m making my own with my blender! I bought a can of chickpeas (77kcal/100g – so low, can that be right!?), tahini, a lemon, cumin and some garlic. I used about 1/3 cup tahini which was way, way too much. It’s so high calorie! I also used 3 cloves of garlic, again overkill. The recipe came to 200kcal/100g. Hmmm. I’ll have to refine the recipe. I’m determined to get it lower than 135kcal/100g.

Faltering

Ho ho ho… Well this certainly has been a week of not sticking to what I said I’d do when it comes to my CRON diet. I’ve not been trying hard enough and slipped back into eating higher calories. Lots of meals out with friends and colleagues, which are really lovely and enjoyable but soo bad for my physical well being. Way too many delicious sweet things aging me prematurely. I’ve been drinking just water and tea and eating only veggies at home though! Like that makes up for it…

I keep thinking to myself that I should know how to do good CRON by now. I mean, I have been trying this for months and I’ve got all the advice I need at my fingertips with other CRON blogs and the CR society archives. But I’ve gained 10lbs since March when I was calorie restricting without particularly doing ON.

When I’m disciplined I’m really, really good and CRON is easy and fun but when I let it all go I get depressed and let it all go even further and eat whatever I want. I think I see CRON as a game. When I’m sticking to the rules (low calories, 100% RDAs), it’s awesome but if I break the rules, even once, I’m no longer playing the game and I quit… until I start playing the game again. I hate the fact that I’m still so black and white in my thinking.

I weigh and measure breakfast and lunch religiously but it all goes wrong at dinner.

And I hate the fact that I’m still addicted to sugar and refined carbs!

But… I love that doing CRON, even for this short time, has made me try so many new foods. I used to be quite a fussy eater but now there’s almost nothing I wouldn’t eat. Except mayonnaise. And marshmallows (eww). But no big nutritional losses there! I used to hate curry, olives, cucumber, courgettes, squash and whey protein powder but I’ve since learned to love them all. I’ve learned so much about the calorie content and nutritional makeup of food and gotten better at estimating calories, though I’m still by no means an expert. I read labels. I remember calories per 100g. In fact, I’ve become more knowledgeable about the whole messy and exploitative process of food production and very rarely shop in the big retail supermarkets anymore. I now get nearly all my veg from the local farmer’s market, cutting out the middleman altogether.

My cooking skills have improved and I no longer keep things like cereal, bread and pasta in the house. I used to eat bowls and bowls of pasta last year (slathered in cheese) but now it’s a once-in-a-while treat. I haven’t eaten a microwave meal in many months. I eat very low-fat yogurt with pumpkin and sunflower seeds and I love it.

I understand what triggers food my food cravings and phantom hunger signals: not drinking enough fluids and boredom. I have very little to do in my current job and spend more time than I should thinking about food (I’m blogging at work right now!). The good news is I’m leaving in three weeks for a much more stressful (but better paying) job where my mind should be busy for the vast majority of the day. When I’m busy I sometimes forget to eat but I think if I continue to bring my lunch every day I should be fine.

I continue to notice that brushing my teeth and removing my contact lenses when I get home in the evening creates a Pavlovian sense of ending the day. It prevents me from eating anything more and I start to feel ready to sleep no matter how early it is.

On Monday I cycled to work and home again for the first time, a round trip of 8 miles. It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for ages. Cycling through central London is exhilarating and dangerous. I’m not a confident cyclist at the best of times so the journey there and back requires half an hour of pure concentration. I’m making sure to follow the highway code and stop at every red light. I can’t believe the blasé attitude of some of my fellow cyclists. Don’t they realise they could be crushed to death at any moment? And if I didn’t hate the bendy buses before I sure do now: they are agents of death! I didn’t cycle in today or yesterday because of the rain but I’m going to purchase a charming yellow raincoat this evening so there’ll be no excuses tomorrow.

I have a competition coming up in three week’s time and need to drop my weight by about 8lbs to do well. So definite motivation there. This really needs to be the last day of eating at-lib! I also want to start running regularly to improve my cardiovascular fitness.

Thursday 9 August 2007

TTBMLR

TTBMLR is my new acronym: Trying To Be More Like Robin. One of the things I like about Robin’s blog is that she keeps a separate blog detailing her food and data from COM. It’s been really helpful to me to see an example of a real CRON diet for someone who’s about the same height as me. So, I’m going to start doing the same, as much as I can. I have to realise there will be times when I can’t measure everything (like restaurant food) but when I can I’ll post my COM data. Obviously I want to do that as much as possible to get some good stats on my nutrition deficiencies. This will help me be a bit more accountable to myself because other CRONies will be able to see what I’m eating. There’s nothing like knowing someone’s watching you to keep you from eating that free brownie.

I’ve also purchased a very cute portable scale so I can measure food when I’m out. Discretely, of course! It should be arriving any day now. Very exciting. One thing I did notice that quite a lot of portable scales are designed to look like mobile phones. How wonderful, I thought, the designers have catered for the furtive needs of the CR community! This was until my flatmate reminded me that these scales may be used for less virtuous consumption… I opted for a non-cellular looking scale. Photo to follow when it arrives.

Thursday 2 August 2007

Cleaning out nutritionally useless foods

In my cupboard I currently have:

- A small bag of green lentils
- A small bag of dried black eyed beans (cow peas)
- Bag of brown rice
- Half a bag of quinoa
- Small bag of azuki beans
- Small bag of bulgur wheat

My question is: given that I'm aiming for between 1200-1400 calories per day, which of these foods would you consider nutritionally useful and which useless? Which would you keep and which would you give away to hungry flatmates?