So yesterday after having a great CRON breakfast and lunch, I let myself down at dinner. Firstly with free gak at work with pizza and spring rolls (amongst others). This was a "gift" for working late! Secondly with muesli at my boyfriend's house after our MA session.
Overall, I'm quite annoyed at myself. I should have had better self-control. I let myself down because I caved into doing what other people want and expect me to eat. Moreover, I don't want to WANT to eat gak anymore. When I'm truely consistent with CRON I feel the best I've ever felt. I'm resolving to be more like April - "I want to live my life according to my own priorities and goals, my true will... not according to unconsidered and unquestioned biological compulsions, and not according to what will please others."
This is exactly how I want to be. First off I need to start questioning my own eating compulsions and take responsibility for my own bad choices. I don't want to feel deprived when I turn down gak, I want to feel like I'm saving myself. I want to see gak as something I just don't eat, like plastic or marshmallows (eww). I recognise this will take time. Secondly, I don't want to eat simply because it will please others. I want to eat CRON food when I want to eat it and when I'm actually hungry. The case in point is last night. I went back to my boyfriend's house and chowed down on a big bowl of muesli, dorset cereals to be precise. Absolutely divine but has had a serious laxative effect (ahem). Probably 500-600 cals worth for one bowl. What a waste...
What also keeps getting to me is that, like muesli, there are so many foods out there that people are duped into thinking are "healthy", pasta, rice, cereal and breads, fruit yogurts and other high calorie products. Really these things can have as many calories as a sweet dessert or piece of fried chicken. Of course, this all has to be taken in context body size and how many calories you should be consuming per day. If you're tall and muscular like my boyfriend then a bowl of muesli is a "healthier" snack to follow dinner. If you're small and slight like me, it's an extravagant dessert... equivalent to him eating a whole cake or something!
I think I can marry these two though. I want to reduce portion size and increase the quality of the food I eat. I also realise that a CRON diet has to involve some fun/enjoyable foods. Some recalculation is clearly required. Oh well, I'm sure the first year will be a learning process. I'm just thankful that there are so people out there in internet land who have done this before.