Going against the grain

Wow. My new job has kept me crazy busy and the longer hours have had a huge impact on my free time. Really, a big adjustment but I love it! I'm actually learning again and it's wonderful. This has meant two things for my CR though:

1. I have had *no* time to weigh and measure everything I eat so have been DTBIC for the last week.
2. I've hardly had time to think about food. This means I eat less but have also been eating more quickly and perhaps not getting the best nutrition (steamed frozen veg vs fresh for dinner etc).

I've also been getting way too little sleep and I've found this makes me 'hungrier' during the day. Tiredness is a big stressor for me so I look to food for comfort. Nothing horribly bad mind you, but I've found myself eating grains, namely bread, which is so available when eating on the run.

Every so often I re-read April's post How to Start CR for girls and each time I agree a little bit more. I'm fine with my protein intake and regularly get over 70g per day, with over 30g at breakfast. This mostly comes from whey protein, low fat yogurt and prawns (shrimp). I've had issues with cutting out grains though. It's just so friggin difficult (wah wah wah)... but I know I can do it and I know it will be totally worth it. I just don't like how I feel after eating grains - bloated, sluggish and craving MORE, no matter how low GI or whatever they are. This weekend I ate rye bread on Saturday and whole grain cereal (all bran) today. Both supposedly "healthy" options but both kicked off huge carb cravings which I detest. So, I'm going off them. I find it much easier to go cold turkey than to have a little every now and again, so it's bye bye bread and cereal. I won't be missing how wretched you make me feel!

I'm also going to try to lower my saturated and up my non saturated fat. Balancing omega 3s and 6s however, may take a little more time...

Too busy to CRON?

No way! I've had a super busy week since last Wednesday. I left my old job, spent the weekend in scotland, started a new job on Monday and had major boyfriend issues all week. The weekend wasn't great as I visited my parents and I can never resist my mum's cooking but otherwise it's been pretty good. I've been too busy to put everything into CoM but I can tell I'm on track: my weight's dropping and my skin is clear and I feel energetic. One of the good things about my new job is that I'll be working hard all day, not having to think about food or nutrition and I'll need to prepare lunches in advance. The office has a microwave, which is a novelty for me after 2 years of working where they were considered a threat to health and safety. I doubt the weather in London is going to get much better in the coming months so does anyone have any good recipes for reheatable food I can make in a batch on the weekend, freeze and eat all week?

I've given myself a new rule of not eating junk (free or otherwise) at the new office. I think I'll be pretty successful as the staff there are so busy they just don't have time to think about buying treats to offer other people. The cafeteria has a cheap but meagre salad selection, though they do have oil roasted vegetables which I love. I've been eating salads there since I started and probably will do again tomorrow. Today a had a couple of spoonfuls of rice and peas and a couple of spoons of tuna pasta with my veg. For dinner I had some canned sardines, canned vegetable soup, and steamed frozen soya beans with wasabi. I'm on a semi-vegetarian-craving-beans kick at the moment.

Also going to navigate the route to work tomorrow on my bike. The shower facilities there are nice - they even have a steam room!

Storing avocado

Does anyone have any tips on how to store an avocado without it turning brown? I'd like to eat one over the course of a few days. Is this even possible?

Cat eats corn

Camo Peach

Camouflage Peach
Originally uploaded by cronuk

So I calmed the hell down a little over the weekend and stopped worrying so much about food, calories, hunger and meal timings. I ate when I was hungry and I ate things that perhaps weren't optimal (dark rye bread and brie!) but I feel much better about myself.

Still I'm 2lbs over the weight I need to be for my competition on Saturday so I need to be quite careful with my intake this week.

I re-realised that I too often concentrate on my failures with cr and forget my achievements. This afternoon for example, I chose not to have lunch but joined my colleagues in the canteen. I won't lie, it is near torture to sit and watch people eat my favourite foods (of course the one day I go to the canteen they have burritos) but I keep reminding myself it's *my* choice and not giving in to each and every food desire, both mine and other's, makes me feel so much better in the long run. I think about my camo peach sitting at home waiting for me after taekwondo tonight and how much more satisfying it will be to eat it knowing I triumphed over my learned reactions to the sight and smell of gak. Unlike Mary's healthy canteen, ours serves its fair share of gak along with adulterated healthy options (fish and veg slathered with butter; salad with dressings).

I've also noticed that eating a high-protein breakfast and not having lunch actually helps manage my hunger better than eating a big salad at work. The experimentation continues...

Weight up again

Well I've had a completely ad-lib long weekend of eating at my parent's house. I don't know what it is about going there that makes me eat so much. I suspect it's linked to emotional eating and how going back home makes me mentally slip back into childhood where I could eat anything and everything it wouldn't matter. My mother is also a complete binge-enabler: "you're allowed just a little treat once in a while". Nooo mother! I had to beg her not to have her usual hoard of chocolates in the house before I came down so instead she had a heap of dried fruit, nuts, fresh fruit, cheeses... need I go on?

I brought my little scales with me (which I have yet to blog about, but needless to say they're awesome) but I did I use them? No! I think I was too embarrassed because we had a cousin from far away staying with us. I'm so paranoid that people will think I have an eating disorder if they see me weigh my food. Well, I'm actually worried I do have an eating disorder anyway. I gained 8 lbs in four days! That's not healthy. I feel really bloated and fat around my face. It's the most I've weighed all year and to be honest it's left me quite depressed. I had to drag myself out of bed this morning and had no appetite all day. I have a martial arts competition in two week's time and I know I won't make the weight category, my body just won't give up the weight that quickly. I guess I have to face up to the fact that right now I'm not doing CRON - I'm basically just binging and fasting. I can't give up though, I want to be fit and slim and live a long and healthy life so I'll continue to update this journal and do my best at calorie restriction with optimal nutrition.

I want to not crave carbs so much. I want to re-learn how to respond to my body's hunger signals instead of just feeding it at regular intervals. I want to reduce my portion sizes and not crave more when I'm finished. I want to learn how to make more delicious, healthy food. I want to be able to deal with hunger better - it's really not the end of the world if I'm hungry for half an hour. I want to be able to turn down unhealthy food without feeling deprived.

I have to list some positive things because otherwise I'll just sit here and cry and think about how I've ruined my body and fitness in the past month.

* Still cycling to and from work every day. I raised my seat a few inches and it made all the difference to my speed.
* Started jogging/running/stumbling in the early morning - at an embarrassingly slow pace.
* Bought iron supplements for days when I'm low.
* Bought a bag of brazil nuts for days when I'm low on selenium. Hopefully I won't eat these by the handful!

Well, as I said before, I can't give up. I am truly dedicated to CRON and I hope that will make all the difference.

“tottering between the worlds of crap and health”

A nice quote from the CR society mailing list archives. It's how I feel about my CR at the moment. I know enough about nutrition to make good choices but I don't know enough about myself yet to make those choices consistently.

Therefore, some lists:

Things I’ve learned about myself from doing CR
• Prior to CRON I was eating fairly nutritious food but way too many calories. When I wanted to lose weight I would eat less but my nutrition would suffer.
• I gain weight and store fat very easily. This sucks right now but will be good for my CRON in the long term. :-)
• I need very few calories to maintain my current weight (between 1300-1400kcal per day).
• I lose weight best and have the best fitness when I am in the midst of a running and light weight lifting regime.
• My muscle mass goes away within a matter of weeks when I stop weight lifting.
• I feel best when I’m doing 'hardcore' CRON (weighing and measuring everything) and exercising a lot.
• Exercise is my best appetite suppressant.
• Unless I make a conscious effort, I don’t drink enough fluids during the day.
• I am addicted to carbs such as bread and pasta, cakes, sweets and chocolate. I also find strong/flavourful cheese very addictive. These foods are major binge triggers for me.
• I can overeat legumes and grains very easily.
• I can eat a lot of food, be full, and still want to eat more.
• When I’m out I sometimes buy single servings of trigger foods (such as a small cake) which on its own would be acceptable CR but almost always triggers an extremely strong desire for more.
• I love trying new foods and eating out at restaurants, particularly fine dining or unusual places. However, most restaurant meals are a huge binge trigger for me.
• I find food waste abhorrent and get angry when I see others wasting food.
• I therefore find it very difficult not to clean my plate.
• I find it very difficult to turn down free/freely available food.
• My appetite is stimulated by the sight, smell and even description of food.
• My hunger peaks between 10 and 12 am regardless of whether I’ve had breakfast or not. Similarly I also get very hungry between 4pm and 6pm.
• Sometimes I am hungry in the morning, sometimes I’m not.
• I have become way more interested in food and nutrition since I started CRON.

Changes I’ve made
• I no longer keep pasta or bread in the house. I don’t buy large packets of any kind of trigger food.
• I keep any carby trigger foods I still have from the bad old days (rice & beans) out of sight.
• I rarely eat meat at home but I sometimes have salmon sashimi on a Saturday.
• I eat bigger quantities and a wider range of vegetables.
• I no longer eat cereal at home.
• I no longer drink milk at home.
• I buy my vegetables either frozen for convenience or fresh from the farmer’s market every Saturday.
• I accurately measure my breakfast and lunch every week day.

Things I still need to do
• Eat more calories during the day and fewer in the evening.
• Fill up on vegetables before I go out.
• Weigh food where I can (e.g. at parent’s house, secretly at boyfriend's house) until I learn what 100g of a food looks like so I can estimate properly.
• Cut back on eating out or eat fewer calories in the week to make up for a weekend meal.
• When eating out choose the most nutritious option on the menu or attempt to fill nutrient deficiencies.
• Forgive myself when I eat calorie dense foods.
• Identify the calorie dense food as a treat, enjoy it and stop there.
• Distract myself/chew gum to prevent eating more.
• Brush my teeth straight after dinner or as soon as I get home if previously eaten.
• Avoid going to places where my motivation will be tested.
• Just because it’s free doesn’t mean I have to eat it.

I went to Borough Market and...

... ate one 'medium' oyster and NO cheese or cakes! It was zincerrific.

Did get tabasco sauce on my work shirt tho... damn it :(

New favourite dinner = minted peas

I recently discovered that, after edamame, minted peas are the most delicious side dish in existence. So simple to make too! Simply pour as many peas as you want in your steamer and sprinkle liberally with dried mint (I guess fresh would work too). In 2 or 3 minutes they'll be ready. I ate mine with some steamed broccoli.

My third favourite side dish is also really simple: sliced fresh organic tomatoes sprinkled with crushed sea salt & lots of pepper, fresh basil leaves and extra virgin olive oil.

No love for the big salad

Well, at least not from my work colleagues. I, however, love my big salad. As a matter of fact it’s not that big: 120g romaine, 150g tomato, 200g cucumber, 15g red onion, 50g cubes of low-fat feta and 100g low-cal hummus (thanks for the recipes Arturo!).

Why are some people compelled to pass judgement on a defenceless salad when not a comment is made about the gentleman eating a plate of chips (fries) with mayonnaise? Indeed, it would probably be downright rude to comment on the greasy gak but it seems salad is fair game. Fear not poor salad, I will defend you and continue to eat you every day around 12. x x x

Nutritionally useless foods update

- Small bag of bulgur wheat: threw this out.
- Small bag of dried black eyed beans (cow peas): cooked these with tomato, adobo chili and tabasco sauce to bring to a housewarming party.
- Half a bag of quinoa: Used it all up for dinners and lunches.
- Small bag of green lentils: cooked these with indian spices and low-fat yogurt and ate for several lunches.
- Bag of brown rice: all gone.
- Small bag of azuki beans: Not used yet, maybe this weekend.

Hummus (too much tahini)

Am I right in thinking that chickpeas are an ok food for CRON, high in both iron and zinc? Hummus definitely helps me fill up on raw veggies. My local supermarket sells a hummus that’s 135 kcal/100g. Not as low as the big supermarket’s low-fat hummus 133kcal/100g but that’s usually mixed with low-fat cream cheese or something to thin it out and doesn’t taste as good. I also don’t want to buy from the chain supermarkets if I don’t have to. Both contain several E numbers which I haven’t learned off by heart yet, so I'm wary.

Therefore I’m making my own with my blender! I bought a can of chickpeas (77kcal/100g – so low, can that be right!?), tahini, a lemon, cumin and some garlic. I used about 1/3 cup tahini which was way, way too much. It’s so high calorie! I also used 3 cloves of garlic, again overkill. The recipe came to 200kcal/100g. Hmmm. I’ll have to refine the recipe. I’m determined to get it lower than 135kcal/100g.

Faltering

Ho ho ho… Well this certainly has been a week of not sticking to what I said I’d do when it comes to my CRON diet. I’ve not been trying hard enough and slipped back into eating higher calories. Lots of meals out with friends and colleagues, which are really lovely and enjoyable but soo bad for my physical well being. Way too many delicious sweet things aging me prematurely. I’ve been drinking just water and tea and eating only veggies at home though! Like that makes up for it…

I keep thinking to myself that I should know how to do good CRON by now. I mean, I have been trying this for months and I’ve got all the advice I need at my fingertips with other CRON blogs and the CR society archives. But I’ve gained 10lbs since March when I was calorie restricting without particularly doing ON.

When I’m disciplined I’m really, really good and CRON is easy and fun but when I let it all go I get depressed and let it all go even further and eat whatever I want. I think I see CRON as a game. When I’m sticking to the rules (low calories, 100% RDAs), it’s awesome but if I break the rules, even once, I’m no longer playing the game and I quit… until I start playing the game again. I hate the fact that I’m still so black and white in my thinking.

I weigh and measure breakfast and lunch religiously but it all goes wrong at dinner.

And I hate the fact that I’m still addicted to sugar and refined carbs!

But… I love that doing CRON, even for this short time, has made me try so many new foods. I used to be quite a fussy eater but now there’s almost nothing I wouldn’t eat. Except mayonnaise. And marshmallows (eww). But no big nutritional losses there! I used to hate curry, olives, cucumber, courgettes, squash and whey protein powder but I’ve since learned to love them all. I’ve learned so much about the calorie content and nutritional makeup of food and gotten better at estimating calories, though I’m still by no means an expert. I read labels. I remember calories per 100g. In fact, I’ve become more knowledgeable about the whole messy and exploitative process of food production and very rarely shop in the big retail supermarkets anymore. I now get nearly all my veg from the local farmer’s market, cutting out the middleman altogether.

My cooking skills have improved and I no longer keep things like cereal, bread and pasta in the house. I used to eat bowls and bowls of pasta last year (slathered in cheese) but now it’s a once-in-a-while treat. I haven’t eaten a microwave meal in many months. I eat very low-fat yogurt with pumpkin and sunflower seeds and I love it.

I understand what triggers food my food cravings and phantom hunger signals: not drinking enough fluids and boredom. I have very little to do in my current job and spend more time than I should thinking about food (I’m blogging at work right now!). The good news is I’m leaving in three weeks for a much more stressful (but better paying) job where my mind should be busy for the vast majority of the day. When I’m busy I sometimes forget to eat but I think if I continue to bring my lunch every day I should be fine.

I continue to notice that brushing my teeth and removing my contact lenses when I get home in the evening creates a Pavlovian sense of ending the day. It prevents me from eating anything more and I start to feel ready to sleep no matter how early it is.

On Monday I cycled to work and home again for the first time, a round trip of 8 miles. It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for ages. Cycling through central London is exhilarating and dangerous. I’m not a confident cyclist at the best of times so the journey there and back requires half an hour of pure concentration. I’m making sure to follow the highway code and stop at every red light. I can’t believe the blasé attitude of some of my fellow cyclists. Don’t they realise they could be crushed to death at any moment? And if I didn’t hate the bendy buses before I sure do now: they are agents of death! I didn’t cycle in today or yesterday because of the rain but I’m going to purchase a charming yellow raincoat this evening so there’ll be no excuses tomorrow.

I have a competition coming up in three week’s time and need to drop my weight by about 8lbs to do well. So definite motivation there. This really needs to be the last day of eating at-lib! I also want to start running regularly to improve my cardiovascular fitness.

TTBMLR

TTBMLR is my new acronym: Trying To Be More Like Robin. One of the things I like about Robin’s blog is that she keeps a separate blog detailing her food and data from COM. It’s been really helpful to me to see an example of a real CRON diet for someone who’s about the same height as me. So, I’m going to start doing the same, as much as I can. I have to realise there will be times when I can’t measure everything (like restaurant food) but when I can I’ll post my COM data. Obviously I want to do that as much as possible to get some good stats on my nutrition deficiencies. This will help me be a bit more accountable to myself because other CRONies will be able to see what I’m eating. There’s nothing like knowing someone’s watching you to keep you from eating that free brownie.

I’ve also purchased a very cute portable scale so I can measure food when I’m out. Discretely, of course! It should be arriving any day now. Very exciting. One thing I did notice that quite a lot of portable scales are designed to look like mobile phones. How wonderful, I thought, the designers have catered for the furtive needs of the CR community! This was until my flatmate reminded me that these scales may be used for less virtuous consumption… I opted for a non-cellular looking scale. Photo to follow when it arrives.

Cleaning out nutritionally useless foods

In my cupboard I currently have:

- A small bag of green lentils
- A small bag of dried black eyed beans (cow peas)
- Bag of brown rice
- Half a bag of quinoa
- Small bag of azuki beans
- Small bag of bulgur wheat

My question is: given that I'm aiming for between 1200-1400 calories per day, which of these foods would you consider nutritionally useful and which useless? Which would you keep and which would you give away to hungry flatmates?

Squash baked in marinara sauce

Squash baked in marinara sauce
Originally uploaded by cronuk

Slightly burned. Ugh... I was doing so well today too! Messing around with photos was what did it, I completely lost track of time. It tasted great though and the smell drew my flatmate out of his room. Which left me with a dilemma: you often hear of CRON people being tempted by the food from the plates of others (I am as guilty as anyone in that respect) but what does one do when a non-cron wants to partake of carefully weighed and measured deliciousness? I was planning on eating the whole thing. Do you encourage nutritious eating or refuse, prioritising your own optimal nutrition?

I chose to encourage and spread the word of CRON. The zen was short lived however, when an hour later I was starving.

I decided to make the tofu chocolate pudding since I had enough calories left over.

I hated it!

What a waste of chocolate! I'm off tofu for life. YUCK! Bleurgh! Horrid. Never again.

I consoled myself with some low-fat custard and (unfortunately) some nutter butters my flatmate offered in compensation for the squash. Not a fair trade, I feel. I was at about 900 calories after dinner but these few yucky sugary trans-fatty snacks pushed me up to 1500. Great.

Moral: sometimes it's best not to share.

Grilled oatmeal herring with rainbow chard

Grilled oatmeal herring with rainbow chard
Originally uploaded by cronuk

Today was a bit of a one-huge-meal day as befits a Sunday in this country. My dinner was not the usual grease-laden roast though, it was a mini farewell to the bad old days. I used up the last 15g of the oatmeal which has tempted me too many times from the virtuous path of CRON. The oatmeal was laid to rest scottish-style on two lovely herring with a little smear of a low-fat spread and lemon juice mixture to keep it in place and seasoned with fresh thyme, dried parsley, salt and pepper. Grilled on a medium heat. Only one herring is pictured; I ate two.

Yesterday I made my second trip to the organic farmer's market, before noon this time, which yielded much better results than last week. Even though tasty cakes, breads, cheeses and pies attacked from all sides, I managed to abstain and instead obtain 20p's worth of some lovely rainbow chard (pictured) which is sweet, delicious and extremely pretty. Also purchased a summer squash, knobbly cucumber, cos lettuce, rhubarb tomatoes, eggs and some lamb's liver which has since been made into a pate. The rhubarb, likewise has been prepared, stewed with splenda and cinnamon and eaten with low-fat custard (see flickr). The leftover rhubarb will likely be part of breakfast tomorrow.

I feel like I've eaten a feast though I'm only at 909 calories for the day. I think I'll stay low since I ate out at a Turkish restaurant yesterday (cue bread and hummus) and had a vegan, sugarfree brownie at the cinema as well as reminding myself earlier in the day, via a friend's plate, why I loathe fried chicken.

Kale creations

Cauliflower cheese on a bed of kale
Originally uploaded by cronuk

This is a cauliflower cheese I made for my dinner last night. The cheese sauce is made from a mixture of soft silken tofu, cream cheese and a splash of soymilk. I used weight watchers low-fat onion and chive flavoured cream cheese at about a 2:3 ratio of cheese to tofu. You could use whatever ratio you perfer. It was a bit dry so next time I'd probably add more liquid. Topped with 2g parmesan and ground nutmeg.

~163 calories

Also on my flickr is a 2 egg omelette with prawns and kale for 231 calories which turned out a little too salty because I added some soy sauce.

Tonight I made a pate with the organic liver I bought at the farmer's market over the weekend for iron and B vitamins. It's setting in the fridge overnight!

No dinner tonight for reasons to be explained when I'm less tired.

My weekend of CRON restauranting

Friday, Indian: Ordered a tandoori grill with red lentil dal. The dal was nice but probably contained too much ghee. The tandoori meats were mostly ok except two pieces of chicken which were served coated in a sweet sauce. I tried to ask how they were cooked before ordering but the waiter didn't speak much english and didn't really understand. I also tried a few bites of my boyfriend's hot lamb curry. No rice but unfortunately I did have a poppadom with chutney and 4(!) chunks of peshwari naan bread because I was still hungry. This was mostly due to urging from my boyfriend to 'try some' (I HATE THIS!) and not wanting it to go to waste (food waste is a big bugbear of mine). No dessert as the naan bread was sweet enough! After the restaurant we went to a bar where I had a glass of tomato juice and a non-alcoholic cocktail made with strawberry syrup and milk... bad!

Saturday, Japanese: Shabu Shabu is a dish which consists of thinly sliced beef you boil yourself at the table. It's served with vegetables and udon (I was going to ask for the udon to be switched to salad). I'd never had it before but was looking forward to trying it. The restaurant however, had other ideas and required a minimum of two people to prepare the dish. Instead I had mixed sashimi with a steamed octopus salad. Both were very small dishes and I was still hungry afterwards. No dessert and I decided not to go to the bar given the excess of the previous night. For breakfast that morning I ate a 230 calorie two-egg omelette with kale and prawns. Kale is lovely in an omelette! I also went to the farmer's market and bought some organic veggies, liver, eggs... and a delicious chocolate cupcake with dried cranberries. In fresh and wild I also had a chip with guacamole. Not the best nutrition but within my calorie limit for the day.

Sunday, Spanish Tapas: Again this morning I had the kale and prawn omelette to use up those ingredients and a little yogurt with sliced mango for 372 calories. This afternoon my friend and I went for all-you-can-eat tapas which was dire. I chose olives, spanish tomato salad, mixed salad, mussels in a tomato sauce, chicken in a white wine sauce and a baked aubergine dish for the table. I shared these with my friend who had half the chicken and mixed salad. I tried a piece of his spanish omlette, two fried squid and about 4 pieces of chorizo. I had a fruit beer with this too but no dessert. This was definitely too much food and unfortunately the mussels must not have been cooked properly as they caused me to be ill shortly afterwards. This evening I just had a banana as my appetite is not really with me. Not a great CR day.

CRON eating out success

I had a (minor) CRON success last night! I met up with my sister in one of those despised corporate chain pubs the youth are so fond of these days. Examining the menu for the healthiest item, I concluded it was either the salmon and asparagus or the prawn salad. Since I'd already had prawns in my homemade lunch salad I opted for the salmon. It was the first time I'd ever asked for sauces or dressings 'on the side'. It felt so weird! But good! I also asked for the salmon grilled, not fried. This meant the meal took longer to come out but that was fine. I later learned that this was because the chain pre-fry the salmon and then warm it up for the salad as and when it's needed - urgh! It came out lovely and barbeque-y on a bed of lettuce and grilled asparagus. Dressings were two little pots of garlic mayonnaise and a honey mustard dressing. I tried a knifeful of the mayo - disgusting, but the honey mustard was sweet and I ate about half of the little pot... hmm. I also ordered the green vegetable side which contained green beans, broccoli and two types of asaparagus (Love that stuff). Unfortunately those lovely steamed greens had been topped with a wodge of butter. I drained them as best I could and added them into my salad. Why does everything in this country have to be slathered in butter?

I'm glad I had the chance to do that because tonight and tomorrow I'm eating at restaurants. Tonight's is indian which I'm guessing is going to be pretty lethal in terms of calories. I kept my breakfast high in protein (a 2-egg omlette with mussels and mushrooms plus a vanilla/ginger/cinnamon protein shake) and lunch was a tub of watermelon cubes. I can't quite remember what COM said this morning but I think it came to no more than 700 cals. Tonight I'm going to avoid rice, curry, fried food, popadoms, naan bread etc and stick to tandoori grilled meats and sauceless, vegetarian dishes like aubergine, dal and lentils. I hope that's the CRON thing to do! I don't think an Indian restaurant would appreciate being asked for sauces on the side???